How to make your apologies more sincere

by Jaimie Abbott

A sincere apology does a world of good for both the giver and the receiver! 

Why Apologising is Good for You and Your Loved Ones

1. Deal with remorse constructively . Extending an apology helps you take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable. In this way, you free yourself from the guilt that may follow lapses in judgment.
   • This is especially true if you back up your words with positive actions.
2. Improve your future conduct.  By reflecting on your actions and sharing your experience with another person, you make a deep impression in your mind.
   
   • This motivation will help you resolve to do better the next time you’re in a similar situation. When you strive to improve your behavior in the future, what you’re doing is bigger than just an apology; it’s an amends.
3. Mitigate the harm you may have done. Just by hearing an apology, the person you wronged is likely to start feeling better. It’s a natural reaction – when we know that someone feels sorry for their negative effects on us because they value us and care about how we feel, we enjoy significant relief and a reduction in anger. 
4. Encourage forgiveness. We all need to be forgiven from time to time throughout our lives. Apologies and amends help to speed the process along.
   
   • Studies show that receiving an apology helps people feel less threatened. We develop more compassion and find mistakes easier to forgive.
5. Maintain healthy relationships. Conflicts are inevitable, but you can promote healing. Apologising and forgiving creates an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and cooperation.
   

Tips for Delivering a Sincere Apology

1. Generate remorse. Reflect on your actions and how they affected the other person. If the situation is emotionally charged, take time to calm down in a neutral setting. Talk with others if you need some objective input. Feel good about your courage in facing the facts head on. 
2. Express your regret. State clearly that you take full responsibility for your conduct. Acknowledge the impact you had on the other person. 
3. Propose a constructive remedy. Be prepared to state what you’re willing to do to right the wrong. It will demonstrate that you’re serious. Give the other person a chance to propose what they need so you can work together to patch things up. This turns your apology into an amends. 
4. Listen to the other person. Be open to however the other person decides to respond. You can feel good about your willingness to make reparations, however things turn out. 
   • Sometimes you’ll enjoy an immediate reconciliation. But be patient if the other person needs more time.
     

Additional Suggestions

1. Apologise in person. Your apology carries more weight when you make it in person than if you just text or e-mail it. Face-to-face discussions also help avoid compounding potential misunderstandings.
2. Apologise promptly. It’s easier to untangle a knot while it’s still fresh. A prompt confession can prevent resentments from building.
3. Evaluate any feelings of humiliation. Do you feel that saying you’re sorry is a sign of weakness? Actually, it takes great courage and wisdom to face unpleasant realities and communicate openly. Rejoice in the knowledge that you’re making life better for you and those you love.
    
4. Know when you need help. If you’re asking forgiveness for the same thing over and over, it may be a sign that you need help to make lasting changes. Counseling or support groups can help you deal with chronic concerns like addictions or anger issues.
   

Understanding the importance of forgiveness can help you resolve conflicts and lead a more fulfilling life. Use these techniques to make your apologies more sincere and effective.